0:01 Their sofa is so oddly asymmetrical, I noticed it in Dan’s video, but it didn’t seem like the thing to mention. So I’m saying it now, it is weird.
0:05 Dan’s little jingle got shut down
0:10 Rebranding, “Dan is SNOT on fire”- Phil, fake crying from Dan.
0:15 Phil will never stop being Amazing
0:30 “We both touched the butt.”- Dan
“Dan touched the butt.”- Phil (giggles from Louise and me)
0:38 Phil can’t help calling out to the baby
0:40 “What kind of influence are we having on this child right now?”- Dan (I can’t help picturing them as uncles or godfathers.)
0:43 “Come on Phil.”- says a very fond Dan. Phil is giggling so much.
0:44 “I’m making her excited for life. Come out!”- says a Phil that I am very fond of
0:50 Louise is already done with these two dorks.
1:33 I don’t know why it cracks me up so much but Phil’s “I like to think I know a few things about the birds and the bees.” And the way Dan looks at him, gets me every time (I watched this three times before even beginning the notes/time stamping)
1:45 “Do I need to put your socks on later?” Phil to Louise
1:55 “Gestation”
2:02 Phil can’t say “period” without laughing
2:10 “The little egg-sperm”- Phil
2:20 “Imagine you’re like baking a cake”- Phil
2:24 Definition
2:28 Phil makes sure we know he’s not a total idiot
2:33 “Ding ding ding.”-Louise “Ding.”- Phil “Wow.”- Dan
2:38 “Placenta”
Phil defers immediately to Dan who has to explain his random humor to Louise.
2:58 Dan sharing accurate information about placenta
3:02 Several references to using and consuming placenta going forward
3:23 Afterbirth “landslide” delivery
3:41 “Alright, did it, let’s do an omelette.”- Dan
3:45 Freeze dried placenta pills
3:46 “Ohh I thought you were going to say sprinkled on cereal your cereal or something like that.”- Phil
3:53 “Ya could. Açaí berry and placenta sprinkles.”- Dan
3:56 “Fundal Height”
3:59 “That’s a sex act.”- Dan says really confidently
4:01 “Right babe, should we do the old fundal height?” Dan says complete with finger motions. Phil glancing at Dan.
4:30 Actual definition
4:40 Dan says a very quiet “Good guess” to Phil.
4:45 “Good guess, Phil.”- says a very supportive Dan
“Thank you. Do I get that one?”- asks Phil, who only made a guess based on the word height.
“Yeah, totally. I think so.”- says Dan, who guessed a sex act, so you know Phil was much closer.
4:50 Not a sex position, in case anyone needed clarification
4:55 “Episiotomy”
“Ooo”- Phil is immediately intrigued and guesses: “I think that’s when you take a picture of the baby...” and Dan lets out a laugh, knowing that’s not it at all.
5:07 “Isn’t that to do with a rude... area?”- Dan
5:10 “You can say vagina. Vagina’s not rude it’s part of a woman’s body.”- Louise
5:15 “Does it just mean vagina though, or is it like surrounding area?”
5:20 Science and linguistic dads work out the meaning.
5:36 Definition.
This whole section, Phil’s wide eyes and rapt attention and saying “yeah” to Louise’s “if your baby is coming out of your vagina”. He’s totally visualizing it.
5:47 You put it back in.”- Phil
5:50 The horror
6:02 “You don’t want to have like a vagina to butt... hole.”- Dan
6:06 “The diagonal escape route is much preferred.”- Dan
6:14 “Oh no! You thought she was going to give you a Haribo something.”- Phil whom I love.
6:18 “Imagine someone cutting your bellend.”- Louise using British slang for the head of the penis. (The firs of two things I learned from this video.)
6:28 “Two become one”- Louise sings.
6:36 “You can’t be grossed out by this stuff. We’ve all been born.”- Dan
6:40 “Waterbirth”
6:43 “Where you do it in a pool.”- sassy Dan
6:45 “You get into a big swimming pool and release the baby.”- Phil
6:50 Discussion of baby’s breathing underwater. No the umbilical cord is not a long nose Phil. Babies cannot be fish, whales, tiny dolphins or Aquaman.
*Note: newborns have died from being submerged underwater for too long by negligent people.
7:22 “Mucus Plug”
7:25 “What?!” from Phil and giggles from Dan, turning into cracking up
7:28 “It’s all great. Biology is beautiful.”- Dan with side eye to Louise and more laughter. “Look at you.” Says Louise.
7:45 Just get Dani Snot On Fire to snort out some mucus over your episiotomy.
8:00 Definition
8:15 “Slime.”- Dan
8:20 “The literal cock block. If you wanna do it.”- Um not quite Dan...
8:25 “Colostrum”
8:28 “That means butt.”- Dan, “Butt.”- Phil echoes
8:33 “What’s a ‘trum’ Phil? That’s what we have to work out right now.”- Dan once again consulting with his linguistics major boyfriend.
8:40 “Trumm” they both sound out. “It’s an instrument.”- Dan who does an excellent trumpet imitation.
8:43 “It’s when if you’ve got twins they both come out at the same time.”- Jesus Christ, Phil.
8:57 “How big are the the vaginas you’ve seen in your life?”- Louise asks Phil, who clearly thinks lady’s can just have double doors, maybe French ladies do. No he rationalizes that “twins are smaller aren’t they?”
9:10 Definition: “the stuff that comes out of your boobies...” classy Louise
9:20 “You can sell that on eBay.”- Phil
9:21 “Boob nectar”- Dan (nipple nectar would have been so much better)
9:30 How does the boob know?
9:36 “Come on guys, let’s get some milkshake on.”- no Phil
9:42 “I love how shit you are at this.”- me too Louise
9:43 “Neonate”
9:44 “That sounds like something alien.”- classic Phil
Phil explains its when you have an alien pregnancy, Louise says not many people have alien pregnancies, Phil counters quietly “You’d think that, but they do.”
9:53 How does Dan not know that neo means new?
10:02 Linguistics boyfriend is no help. “It’s when the guy from the Matrix has a baby.”
10:10 Definition
10:13 New baby, yay Dan, applause
10:20 Doula
10:22 “That’s not easy!”- Phil
10:30 “That’s a pop star isn’t it? ”- former BBC Radio 1 present Dan Howell
10:40 “It’s a part of the vagina that’s kept secret... until you need to use it.”- Dan whom I love
10:44 “A secret one?”- Phil who though vaginas were already confusing enough
10:50 Belly button popping
10:56 Definition
11:08 “Mother of Mothers”, “Mother of Dragons”, “Khaleesi.”
11:12 “I could be your doula.” Says Phil to Louise as he starts massaging her upper arm. Louise does not want Phil to be her doula.
Acknowledges Phil has a *shred* more general knowledge, but thinks Dan is calmer. Phil agrees he wouldn’t stay calm. “It’s crowning!” after one minute.
11:44 “Jaws of destruction”- that’s a nice visual Dan
11:55 Phil would put a towel down if Louise went into labor here.
12:12 “We’d make you a warm bath, light some candles, not scented, cause that would like, be too stimulating (very good Dan). We’d hold your hands, call the ambulance-“ “And then I’d feed you a curry while it arrives.”- Phil, providing good inspiration for mpreg fics.
12:30 “Perineal Massage” bonus round
12:33 “Perineal is yer gooch”- Dan providing the second bit of slang I didn’t know.
12:42 The origin of the four finger and elbow massage we saw from Louise’s vlog.
13:16 Duct tape reinforcing suggestion from Phil. Super glue? No.
13:40 “Lower, lower, lower, lower.”- Dan getting very into it with his tongue.
13:51 “I’m so glad that I’m not having a baby with either of you.”- Louise
13:53 “Sorry.”- Dan “Thanks.”- Phil
13:55 “Although I think you’d be like great dads. (“Thank you.”- Phil) like in a Three Men in a Baby.”- Louise
14:06 “Philippa’s a strong name.”- Phil (I’m getting horrible Philippa video flashbacks)
14:20 Dan is delighted at her boy name choice of Daniel, Phil feels slighted.
14:30 “It’s on the list” Dan mouths with finger quotes.
14:44 The boys can be better friends and offer perineal massages to prevent episiotomies, “help it out, get the scissors”- Phil, “get some curry.”- what Dan is now expecting from Phil.
14:52 “I will be your- doula.” Dan nods so awkwardly proud of himself.
15:05 That smile Phil gives Dan when Louise says “anything else you want promote.”
15:07 “I want to promote their happiness.”- Wholesome Howell
I also enjoyed the lack of “fyi I like vagina” (even writing this makes me in awe of how much times have changed) in this video. I got so emotional when she said they’d be great Dads because that is sooo true. It just gave such “my friends who are in a gay relationship and don’t understand female biology because it’s been awhile” vibes and that in itself was hilarious. Idk I really enjoyed it overall 10/10
louise said "next time you have a pregnant friend" and didn't hint to future wives or anything aaaaa
had me 
